The Best and Worst Star Wars Sneakers
Ever since Disney laid down plenty of fetti to get the rights to the entire Star Wars franchise, we've seen enough new merchandise to sink the Death Star and, thankfully, the footwear category hasn't been neglected.
For many Star Wars lovers, it's a case of the more merch the merrier, because it's been a long time between blue milk drinks, but it still seems that Disney doles out the licensing contracts liberally as long as the paper's right. Just about every brand that wants a piece can get it. But you can't dress a wookie up as an Alderaan princess and expect us not to notice – whacking a Star Wars motif on a crappy design don't change nuffin', folks. We cut through the clutter here and take a look at some of the best and worst Star Wars–licensed sneakers.
BEST: 2015 adidas Superstar 80s x Star Wars
The Three Stripes have been the most consistent Star Wars collaborators in quantity and quality.
WORST: Payless x Star Wars 'Storm Trooper'
Damn son, where'd you find this? Take it back there and demand your moolah back, I don't care how cheap it was.
WORST: adidas x Star Wars 'Stormtrooper'
The Stormtrooper is a common muse for sneakers, but things can go awry when it comes to the actual execution.
BEST: adidas x Star Wars Tubular 'Stormtrooper'
The force is strong in the Three Stripes, though – turns out there is something decent you can do with the Galactic Empire's finest cannon fodder. Taking a subtle approach that would almost be acceptable dress outside of a sci-fi convention, almost, this Tubular is a piece of abstract shoe art.
BEST: Stride Right x Star Wars 'Darth Vader'
Obviously if these weren't for the Jedi Padawans we'd throw them straight into a fire pit, but they look kinda cute here, and the mask might even protect the lil one's midfoot. That said, the lacing looks either too easy or a little complicated.
BEST: adidas 'Yoda Superstar'
How this reps Yoda, know I do not. That toy-style plastic packaging tho – dope. Word is this one actually wasn't officially licensed, but Lucasfilm kicked up a stink like Jar Jar Binks, so adi had to put up the galactic credits the next time they wanted to channel the Star Wars aesthetic. The continuing partnership suggests the Three Stripes think it's money well spent.
WORST: Irregular Choice x Star Wars 'Wack Saber Wedge'
Does the saber extend in times of conflict? Could these be incredible wedge stilts? You won't win if it's a fashion battle, though. Yes, we know it's not a sneaker.
WORST: Irregular Choice x Star Wars 'Vader and Stormtrooper Menagé'
WORST: Stride Rite x Star Wars 'Light-up Lightsaber'
Okay these things are kinda cool – those lateral lightsabers light up! Still ugly AF tho.
BEST: adidas x Star Wars ZX Flux
Yeah, it kinda looks like someone tried to salvage some gimmick ceramic mugs that they dropped on the kitchen floor by whacking the broken faces on a heel, but we still fux with these Flux.
WORST: adidas x Star Wars Micropacer
In the words of the nasty cheerleaders from Wildcats, 'you ain't got no alibi ...'
BEST: Vans x Star Wars
Vans are veterans at using prints on their silhouettes, and they did not disappoint with their ode to Star Wars. The Stormtrooper bandana paisley print is straight hard!
WORST: Stride Rite x Star Wars 'Nasty ass shoes'
Don't put your kids through this, please. Don't project your wackness onto the next generation.
Originally published December 16, 2015.